The Next Stage

Bismillahirrahmnirrahim..Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh..

Masya-Allah, it has been a really long, long time since the last time I wrote a post in this blog. Well, you know under-graduates life is a wee bit busy and today, finally after the finals is over (sadistically) I got my golden moments to write in here.

I know that the SPM-leavers are still fresh from the joy of freedom from school life. I see posts that quoted “the last time I’ll wearing the green pants”, “the last time I’ll be staying in a prison like this”, “SPM is a tragedy” et cetera. But I wondered have all of you felt the same thing as I was after we finished our examination.

THE LAST DAY OF SPM, SOMEWHEN BACK IN SOMEWHEN NOVEMBER 2013

It was Biology. As usual I woke up early from my slumber, slurping all those fresh morning air and thought “Wow, this is one of my lasts morning here”. But, not much time can be spent for reminisce, as today was Biology the killer paper. Well, if you really have passion in Biology, it will not eat you; it will only nibble coyly at your arms. Few hours later, when I was on the Japanese Pavilion to recite the prayer, I saw mixed emotions and feelings in the eyes of the Thirtieth Batch, the History Maker. I want to put italics on the phrase, but never mind. Heh. Let bygones be bygones.

I saw fear, sorrow, regret and confidence in their eyes. And then, it struck me that it has been a hell of a year. A great year and it’s gonna end today. All those bashings on my leadership, the Conjuring saga (wow, you will really love the story!) in SAMURA and all those dramas, the ups and downs we have faced as a unit, it was incredible. And, we survived, with a few unhealed bruises and cuts here and there. I was even more touched when the Technical students came to join us in the congregation. They hugged us, whispered words of reassurance, saying that everything’s gonna be okay. How I wish their words were true.  

The emotions gurgled even more when the chief invigilator commanded us to enter the examination hall. One blink, two blink, three blink. And it’s over. We have made it! We are free! I heard some cheers in the academic blocks but all of us know something sinister was creeping at our backs. It crept and then resided in our heart, giving us a concoction of mixed feelings that was indescribable but in shorter words, we cannot answer well for the Biology papers.

Next, the ceremonies where all of us convened in the Dining Hall and that’s when our Head Boys’ parents accepted something (I was not focused that time) form the teachers which was a symbol our teachers handed us back to our parents. But, I know that the teachers have touched our lives and it will never be the same. When you are in school, they are just some bothersome figures. They nagged at you, they patrol so often you can’t get a whiff of your cigarettes, giving some vivid elaboration on your exam results. But, when all of it ended, they started to become somebody else. They have become a part of us, a part of our life that worth to be noted in our still-far journey. When I sat in the hall that time, everything just blurred and I literally saw images in flashbacks. Then I realized, their words are blessings, their scolding is blessing and their smiles are blessings.

After the ceremony has ended, I watched people hauling their possessions to their cars. My parents won’t come until the next day; they were working. I hated myself for being so soft, but the feeling watching each of your friends shake your hands and then their cars exited the school compound, man, it was very overwhelming. I tried to convince myself, that it was just another year passed, but nope, it was actually a chapter in my life has passed. Welcome to the adult world.

I was utterly relieved when Fahmi Zikry offered me to walk with him. I accepted his generous offer without further ado. Then, we talked and kept talking about our crushes (hewhew), the ghosts (will the ghosts missed us, the Ghostbusters), and oh about the future. I remembered we stand at the edge of the graveyard (yup, my school has a graveyard) and we stood in silence. I asked him what this choking feeling inside me was. He promptly answered, “It was adulthood”. I could repeat this story again and again but it will never felt bland.

WELCOME

Now, SPM-leavers you must remember that what it seemed to be the end is actually a new beginning. A new environment, new peers and new challenges await you. Like my sister Syazni Fauzi (currently studying in UNIMAS) said, “Welcome to the real world!” The real world is more vivid and when it punches you square in the face, it feels really real. I have lived in it for a year now, and I wished I could crawl to my mother’s cradle back. But hey, you will never step the same water in a river more than once. Life will come, no matter how much you deny it.

But, remember never let life changed you; it is you who must change your life to become better. Why choose to become similar to anybody else while God has created each of you unique and special? If everybody in this real life has a boyfriend, why you wanted to be like them? If everybody smokes, why you choose to be like them? Because you feel you are alienated from them? My brothers and sisters, legends are made from their differences, their recalcitrance to abide the world material doctrine. They dared to stood up and say “No” because it was not right to do so.

And, please remember that the real examination starts when the last SPM paper has ended. Some of us got extra time, some us they have lesser time, but all the same; we are running out of time. Set your goals; differentiate yourself from the hedonistic and materialistic mainstream culture. Don’t be like the grass, swaying around without any real purposes as the most powerful force in the universe is intention. That’s what make us difference from the rest of the creation. The passion, the heat, the wants and the benevolent causes have shaped our history. Always remember that no matter what path you take after this, ultimately all of us will return to Him.

Think, think and think some more. Think when you have grew old; your grandchildren circled you and asked you what exactly you have achieved in your past years. If you find yourself can’t answer the question, then your years is just a void and then you realized that your remaining time is not much. You realized that all those years..are just distant echoes. You look at yourself and you know that this shouldn’t be you. You can do better. But it was too late. The only way forward is forward and regret is your truest companion to the end.

But, you are not there yet. You are here. You are at the junction of your life, standing between two paths. The choice are yours, son. Always remember I will always beside you, supporting you in your downs and rejoicing in your moments of triumph. But, Allah is much closer to you than me, closer than the veins by your neck. Without Him, we are oblivion.

Good luck in your further chapters in life.

For the reader's information, we from the 30th Batch are planning to organize a program called "The Next Stage" where we will try to gather representatives from various of undergrad programs and institutions to write about their experiences and about their programs too. Currently, we have convened about 15 representatives from different programs, who willingly to share their gems and jewels of knowledge and experience to the SPM-leavers. We are trying to compile of the essay as quick as possible to a different blogs, so you can read and ask questions. Still, it takes some time. So, stay tuned.