Hmmm, as I will be sitting for SPM examinations in this year, first of all I humbly request for you dear readers to pray for me to pass with flying colours in the examination.And you might wondering why I am writing in English, (haha) actually I want to polish my English skills.
As the stargate for future which is SPM is around the corner, I am strongly believe that goals in life must be constructed and engraved in our souls so as we travel in the life path, we will not went astray, so we must calculate the chronology of our life so we can achieve our goals. Eventhough thinking about the future too far is prohibited in the Sufistics circle, as they call it "daydreaming", I want to clarify that planning the future is not considered as "daydreaming" if we strive and work towards our goals.
I divided my life according to the Banana plant model..Haha, why? You see, the banana plant start as a shoot that can easily bent by its planters. And as time passes, the soft shoot hardens and become taller and taller due to its environmental factors. Then, the banana plant work very hard to produce bananas for humans eventough the plant cannot taste its own fruit...And, when the banana plant start to wither, another shoot grows and inherit the generousity of its predecessor..And the cycles continue till the doomsday..
So, as you can see my life start similar to the shoot...Soft, unmature and fragile..at this point, I depends completely on my environment to shape me, especially my parents. Alas, life is not always as sweet as nectar. I had experienced severe childhood concussions and trauma and sent to be nursed and grow with my grandmother. My grandmother is a cripple,you know. She had been diagnosed with stroke and half of her body was paralyzed. But, she is not an ordinary patient or other fragile cripple. She is very independent. She never beg for money or care from her sons and daughters. She would clean her 3 storey house all alone with only one hand, and when I ask to lend her a hand, she would scold me and order me to resume my study. And, she was very generous and also serious when it comes to academics. She once said to me," I will spent all of my money for buying you books, but I will not suffer a cent to give to you to buy toys. Never!!". So, she has really shaped my humblity and my vigour in studying!! So, in the shaping process, I has been designated to be an introvert, humble and passive child, until now..^0^
I strongly believe that now I am now undergoes hardening process where conflicts were set by Allah to give the taste ups and downs of life. Ah, I has experienced many ups and downs in life. in Form 1, I was a little chubby boy that everyone like to tease for my round stomach, my high pants and everything (especially the women, that's why I despise them till now..:) ). So, I solemnly swear in my heart that I will not be a good boy anymore, as good people always be discriminated. I started my daily regime to only eat once a day, jog excessively and intensively and fast during the Mondays and Thursdays. By the end of form 1, I has lost 20 kilogrammes and the devil unleashed.
Determined to prove everyone wrong for calling me a nerd, I have turned to a little devil. I broke school laws, engaged in racial fights, smoke (for only once, I think). But, eventough I had done those "remarkable" deeds, the people's sarcastic perception to me has not changed. Once, they called me a nerd and now they called me a truant. I did not gained their respects. My heart was devastated but there is no turning back. One day, when my grandmother sent me to hostel, she grabbed my hands, look me straight in her agonized eyes, and said," No more quarrels, focus on your study!". I shrugged and nod a bit and walk away without any words. I did not turn back to wave her, and that supposed to be my last chance to wave her goodbye. She died at the end of the week.
Her demise has dumbstrucked me. My dear patron, my life beacon, the source of my life has left me! Then, what has left in the world for me! Again, I am devastated, my heart felt like an empty void and I can feel my sanity is seeping away. Then, in the midst of the apocalypse, I thought that this is the time to repent, to change my life and completed what that my grandmother has started. She left with few wishes and I hoped that I can accomplished those for her. She once said, she would like to see my wive and craddle her great grandsons in the arms. But, I am sorry dear Grandmother, my heart was so devastated that I cannot love any women beside you and Mother. This heart is too fragile to experience more loses. So, the wish left for me to be accomplished is to be a successful man dunia and akhira.
So, my repentance has attracted a few teachers who might seen my hidden potentials. They recruited me to the leadership board and sent me to a few school and programmes to be the preacher. This is the zenith of my life. Finally, I can walk away from my passive and introvert life, I learned to communicate and preach but the scars of losses still taunting me. I aced in my PMR and enrolled in Science Muar Royal Academy or just SAMURA in abbreviation. It is totally a new world for me, and again I have been offered to lead the BADAR, the religious council and faced many tribulations that some of them were very funny. I did not know whether I will survive and walk away form the great shadows of my predecessors. People were always comparing me with a former Ketua Naqib, and causing agony in myself. If they want him so much, why not try to drag him from India to this school back? I am I...
The future...Hmm, tricky..Here's a sneak peek of my future life.
- 2014:Aced in SPM.(Aminn) Offered to study overseas in neurology/ ortopedics or pediatrics. Eventough medical field was not my interest, but I have to obey my parents will. But, I think I started to fond to the brain and bones. So, I decided to take medics.
- 2024: Spent 10++ years to become specialist. Life is too busy with study, so I can forget about marriage. Life is too short to meddle with women...
- 2025: Return to Malaysia. Undergoes housemanship. Give half of my salary to my parents. Work with private hospital.
- 2030: Open a clinic, which is free for children, elder and the poors. I finally can achieve my dream to set up Global Baitumal Centre. I will form a network with other doctors and share my aspirations with them to promote free medical care for the needy.
- 2035: Finally managed to buy a house. Moved in with my parents. I would like to design my house to be as green as possible. There will be a large library in my house, and a ribath or hermitage in it. Then, it will be condusive for my parents and I to live in.
2040 is the last year for me to live in Malaysia. By that time, Global Baitumal Centre has flourished and support medical care for the needy, giving permanent homes for beggars and give them tarbiah. I am so touched whenever I see an old beggar at the streets. I promise to give all of them shelter, so they can focus to rest and beramal. Then, I will left Malaysia. To where?
That is a secret.....^0^ Let me give you a clue...
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