Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh..
Alhamdulillah, finally I reached my haven, here in Kajang after surviving a cold campaign in SAMURA. So, I would like to share with all of you the analysis of my campaign in 2013.
Overall, the Islah movement is still slow in its pace. Time passed as fast as a water torrent, but the achievements are still minor. I am still studying the flaws in my strategy and strongly believe that the movements need ample time for the SAMURA-ians to ingest and seep the Islamic spirit in their hearts. In the Nuqaba' organization itself, few major alignments are made and lack of coordination and communication still haunting me till this day. I believe this is a trial and a test that will strengthen our bond as one Chinese idiom quotes, "Blows that do not snap my back, will strengthen them".
As my sole objective this year, is to clean back the BADAR dignity and to clear this organization from radicalism and pseudo-religion, we came up with a few programmes that offer more relaxed and meaningful to the target groups. We held the Tazkirah Digital, which integrates the use of multimedia in Dakwah. We also held the slot of "Shhh...Hanya Untuk Lelaki" that is held monthly for the men only. This slot will be focused on more serious subjects and more intellectual facts such as the current global issues, et cetera. Few of my friends spared their valuable times to establish the first Qasidah team in SAMURA, which we name as the Dsoutul Dzauqiyah. We performed twice, and I considered it as a successful rally as the Qasidah are growing as a phenomenon in the country. Alhamdulillah....
Aside from that, I don't think I had done much to the society. I still cannot give up from my solitude traits and lack of communications. I tried to mend my inner conflicts and boost my self-esteem and leadership skills with the aid of few renowned motivational books, but I am still missing the tunes. I continuously live under the shadow of my predecessor, and it agonized me very much.
And the words that I spread heretical teachings are spreading in the school. This is absurd accuses as all that have been delivered from me are fully from my learning period in Kelantan. This has weaken me and set me into an endless abyss of sorrow. I can only pray that Allah will help me to clear my name. I am sure that I will not be the most successful Head of Nuqaba; in the school history, as the title of "The Most Controvesial" are starting to suit me for the current time. But, I hoped that the teachers and the students understand me as a makeshift leader that are burdened to re-mobilize a crippled organization. I did not ask for this position, but when I was bind to the office, I tried and endavoured to lick back all the filth and spit.
Still, I believe that no one will understand my agony and the labyrinth in my mind. I believe it is unworthy to anyone to sacrifice themselves to make a stand from me. I know that my place is not on a dais where everyone embodied my name eternally, and assayed me with seas of praises and appreciation. I am born as a sinner, and I had just repented. And a sinner does not have the right to become a leader.
O Allah, please hear my wails and cries,
I wish to spread your Light,
But they took me as an enemy of you?
Didn't I had begged to You,
In the cold nights, where beads of pearls,
Flowing from my eyes?
To release me from the burden,
of becoming a chief for the forsaken,
Didn't you want to answer my plea?
It is the time for me to realize that I am impotent to carry anybody to the road of Dakwah. I have no power, except onto myself. I am limbless and emasculated leader, a puppet that the strings has been cut by its puppeteer, left to die while the puppeteer create another puppet and abandon me..O Allah, please release me, form this shackle..I beg you..
No comments:
Post a Comment